I turned 24 a month ago. I had something written that I was going to post on my birthday. It was about how this past year was probably the most difficult one in my life; how despite things being “objectively good” I felt lower than I’ve ever felt, mentally. And I feel like there might be something in there that maybe was worth your attention, but I think that talking about mental health is something that’s done best when the difficult part is behind you. I don’t think I can be objective or say anything constructive about the way I was feeling as I was feeling all of it.
I guess, in the back of my mind, I was hoping that turning a year older would bring some sort of new understanding to my situation. My birthday came, but the catharsis didn’t, and so that post is going to stay in my Drafts folder until I have more to say than just, “I’m not feeling so great, and it’s hard, but I’m dealing with it and figuring things out a little bit more every day.”
One thing I can say is that feeling the way I’m feeling puts things into perspective. I value good art more now than I think I ever have. Art isn’t just something I escape into from time to time. More and more, it’s becoming a way to reexamine myself and the world. Then again, that’s also something I’m going to write about once I have a way to put it into words that mean something beyond “hey, this is how I’m feeling, and this is how art changes/emphasizes my feelings.”
What I will say is that the 4th season of BoJack Horseman is doing more for my mental health than a year of seeing a therapist did. What I also want to say is that the Pickle Rick episode of Rick and Morty did more for my understanding of the value of therapy than a year of seeing a therapist did. All of that is doing a lot, but whether that’s good or bad is something I’ll figure out a couple of months down the line.
In the meantime you can look forward to a post about BoJack Horseman and a pretty long winded gushing about how much I’m into poetry these days.
Until next time.